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Book Title The Secret Language Of Relationships
Book AuthorGary Goldschneider
Total Pages840
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The secret language of relationships: your complete personology guide to any relationship with anyone

Book Description:

Discover the captivating world of human relationships with “The Secret Language of Relationships: Your Complete Personology Guide to Any Relationship with Anyone.” In this illuminating book, Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers take you on a journey through the mysteries of human connections, serving as the companion volume to their best-selling work, “The Secret Language of Birthdays.”

Delving into the fascinating realm of “personology,” the study of personality types based on the theory that individuals born on the same day or within the same week share unique characteristics, this book goes beyond traditional sun-sign astrology. With its division of the year into forty-eight “weeks,” “personology” unveils the specific traits associated with each period.

“The Secret Language of Relationships” unveils relationship profiles between any two individuals, drawing on their period personalities and revealing a staggering 1,176 potential combination summaries. Have you ever wondered what would occur when two distinct personality types merge, creating a brand-new entity? This book provides the answers, shedding light on the traits and dynamics of this third, unique energy. It reinforces the notion that the whole is truly greater than the sum of its parts—a fundamental truth at the core of every relationship, highlighting the emergence of a distinct third entity within the union of two people.

Examining an incredible 1,176 combinations by intertwining all forty-eight periods, this book presents an invaluable tool—the Relationship Location Finder. With this practical guide printed on the front and back endpapers, discovering a specific relationship profile becomes effortless. By pinpointing the intersection of the birthdays of the two individuals in question, you can swiftly navigate to the corresponding page and uncover the essence of the relationship—whether it’s real or hypothetical.

Beyond the realms of love and marriage, “The Secret Language of Relationships” explores relationships in all their diverse forms. From friendship and career connections to parent-child and sibling bonds, the book covers a wide spectrum of relational dynamics. More than 2,500 beautifully illustrated photographs of famous couples—whether in love or not—add depth and visual appeal to the text, allowing you to find parallels with well-known figures who share a similar relationship pattern.

Within every coupling lie three distinct entities: you, your partner, and the relationship itself. Recognizing this fact can significantly enhance your chances of building a loving and enduring connection. The key to success lies in understanding yourself, comprehending your partner, and gaining insight into the unique dynamics of your relationship. “The Secret Language of Relationships” offers guidance along this transformative path, revealing the secrets to achieving relationship success.


Keys to a Good and Lasting Relationship When a relationship between individual A and individual B is discussed, do we mean the dynamic that goes on in private between these two individuals or the relationship unit AB, which interacts with the world around it?

 Of course, the relationship AB is present in public or private, but the degree to which A and B identify with it, and give up their identities to become it, is of utmost importance.

 There are no hard and fast rules for such surrender to the relationship. In some cases, or at certain times in the life of a relationship, it will be necessary for A or B to pull back and affirm his or her identity once more, perhaps even to the point of setting out once again on his or her path.

 However, peak experiences between two people are only really possible through surrender—that is, giving up a good measure of individual ego in service of the relationship, AB.

 Each person will get something back that is much more valuable. A few additional guidelines follow:

  • Listen to what your partner is saying.
  • Truly share. Solely giving or taking is not the answer, but only a combination of the two in equal measure.
  • Give unconditionally. To give while expecting a return or certain results is the same as paying for something.
  • Kindness, understanding, trust, and consideration are worth more than all the selfish pleasure you can gain. If you are in it only for what you can get, forget about meaningful relationships.
  • Don’t let anyone treat you abusively. Demand respect.
  • By refusing to make decisions, express disapproval, or take a stand, you may really be just avoiding taking responsibility for your own actions. Fear of rejection is usually behind such an agreeable facade.
  • Beware of possessiveness and claiming behavior. Your partner is his or her own person and should never be treated as an object or possession.
  • Refuse to allow others to push your buttons. One trick is to grow a whole new set of buttons that cannot be pushed so easily.
  • Much can be learned from self-observation. In the midst of an argument, try backing off and observing yourself. By being both the observer and observed, you will increase your awareness.
  • Control your aggressive and violent side. At the same time, seek outlets for your feelings and do not repress them. Working out differences through calm discussion is often the best way.
  • Learn to postpone your gratification through patience, trust, and understanding.
  • Acceptance is important but does not imply agreement. Agree to disagree. Do not insist that you and your partner must see eye to eye.
  • Try to distinguish between needs and wants. What you seem to want most is not what you really need, in many cases.
  • Be sensitive to kairos, the right time for an action to take place. What will work well under one set of circumstances will be entirely wasted under another.
  • Respect your partner’s space.

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What Are Relationships Anyway?

Three analogies may help to describe the nature of a relationship in terms of certain physical and metaphysical models:

  1. Physical versus Chemical Reaction
    In a physical reaction, two substances are mixed or ground together without being transformed—that is, both can be recovered from such a mixture in their original state. A chemical reaction, on the other hand, produces an entirely new substance from the two reactants, one that is very different from either of the reactants and does not easily yield the original substances back again. A relationship is more like the resulting compound in a chemical reaction—it is a discrete third entity that is more than just a mixture of the other two, rather a new substance in itself.
  2. Interface
    Where two objects touch each other, the edge or border at which they meet, the interface, has quite different properties from those of the original objects. Interfaces are not easy to define, and in some ways transcend the two objects themselves. When you slowly reach out to touch the image of yourself that you see in a mirror, the point of touching the glass can be as strange as disturbing your reflection in a pool of clear water or trying to shake free from your shadow. A relationship could be motivated by the desire on the part of one or both partners to break through the interface and interact with the person on the other side. Such interactions usually involve a mingling or merging of your being with theirs, often resulting in a miraculous transformation.
  3. Ecstasy
    The poet John Donne conceives of the process as one of soul-merging. In his poem “The Ecstasie,” he pictures two lovers lying on a grassy bank, staring into each other’s eyes. Their souls, marching forth from their confinement in the body, proceed to advance toward each other along the “double string” of their eye connections until finally merging with each other. Although the lovers’ bodies are physically entwined, more important is that their spiritual selves also become joined. The word “ecstasy” is from the Latin “ex stasis,” meaning to stand outside of oneself. In other words, it is the soul expressing itself beyond the bounds of the physical.

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