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Family system in Islam – Book Sample

FAMILY SYSTEM IN ISLAM

Islam on sexuality, reproduction and family system 

1. Life an Integrated Whole: 

Islam, which implies willing and complete submission to Allah (swt) is a complete way of life embracing all aspects of life including sexual, reproductive, marital and familial.

 It underlines two important points: Firstly, Islam perceives life as an integrated whole and for this reason sexuality and reproduction are parts of the whole Islamic system of life, not outside it.

Secondly, Islam which is a Divinely ordained system of life, possesses injunctions and regulations in its texts – the Qur’an and the Prophetic traditions for the regulation of sexuality, reproduction and all that are related to these. 

Islamic philosophy of Tawhid integrates all aspects of life. Tawhid implies unity of God, unity of the prophets, unity of life, unity of mankind, unity of the purpose of creation, unity of knowledge, etc.

 The fundamental beliefs –

 i) That there is no god but Allah (swt) and the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) is the last messenger of Allah (swt) for the whole mankind;

 ii) That man’s life in this world is temporary and he/she has to follow Allah’s ordained way of life (Islam) in all aspects to be successful here and in Hereafter and;

iii) That with Allah rests all the final judgements of rewards and punishments in the akhirah (life, hereafter) are all based on these Unity, Tawhid. Hence, questions on ‘sexuality’ and ‘reproduction are also anchored on the Tawhidic paradigm. 

Vicegerency – Purpose of Life: 

The very raison d’etre of man’s creation according to the Qur’an is the performance of the vicegerency of Allah (swt). The Qur’an says: 

Behold Thy Lord said to the angels: I will create a vicegerent on earth. 

Hence, any thought and activity of man in Islam, be that sexual or reproductive, should be ultimately related to this purpose of life vicegerency of Allah (swt). 

Sexuality and Reproduction: 

With this brief background of Islamic worldview, it is easier now to look into the Islamic texts on sexuality and reproduction. 

Sexuality in Islam is not trivialized as man’s animalistic function to be tackled by his own whim and fancy.

Sexuality is perceived as one of the essential parts of man’s life to be regulated and disciplined through the proper guidance. 

A man and a woman in Islam can enter into sexual relationship only after marriage, which is reckoned as a ‘sign’ of Allah (swt) and the ways of the prophets’, The Qur’an says: And among His Signs is this that He created spouses for you from yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them.

 We indeed sent messengers before you (O Mohammad) and We assigned them wives and children. 

It implies that in Islam, the very basis of the marital relationship between husband and wife through which they can enter into sexual relationship is ‘love’.

Furthermore, Allah (swt) implants this ‘love’ in husband and wife towards each other so that they may live in peace and harmony. Such an Islamic attitude towards sexuality goes entirely against the mere lusty cravings in man/woman and its satisfaction through legitimate or illegitimate ways.

In Islam, it is the ‘love’ and the strong covenant (nikah) that unite man and woman not ‘force’ or temporary arrangements outside marriage or cohabitation.

 For this reason, all types of pre marital and extra marital relationships, fornication, illicit carnality are completely condemned is Islam and man is ordained not to go nearer to adultery. The Qur’an says: 

Nor come nigh to adultery 

For it is a shameful (deed) And an evil, opening the road (to other evils). 

Islam thus makes a distinction between sexuality that is constrained and disciplined through marital relationship and sexuality, which transgresses morality and spirituality and turns animalism.

 Islam does not overlook the sexual drive in man but institutionalize it through marriage to protect man from immorality.

 The Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: O young men! Those among you who can support a wife should marty for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances) and preserves one from immorality. 

Islam is quite sensitive in all issues pertaining to marriage and sexuality. As sexuality outside marriage is illegitimate, marriage without the proper consent is declared invalid. The Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: 

‘A widow shall not be married until she be consulted, nor shall a virgin be, married until her consent be asked; and that a woman ripe in years shall have her consent asked in marriage and if she refuses, she shall not be married by force.’ 

Therefore, marriage in Islam, unlike radical feminism is neither an imprisonment for woman that is thrust or forced upon her as a punishment nor enslavement that makes her subservient to man.

Marriage is a covenant of faith and consent and a bond of love and concern. 

Marital relationship in Islam is neither patriarchal and political nor economic and sexual for its own sake as against the common perception of gender feminists, but moral and spiritual.

In fact, husband and wife complement each other in Islam since husband provides economic and sexual security to his wife and his children and his wife guards her chastity and her husband’s possessions as her moral obligation. The Qur’an says: 

Men are the protectors 

And maintainers of women, because God Has given the ones more (strength) Than the other, and because They support them From their means Therefore the righteous women Are devoutly obedient and guard In (the husband’s) absence What God would have them guard. 

Thus, husband and wife in Islam complement each other and do not compete for domination and supremacy.

They are friends and co-partners in their co-venture-vicegerency of Allah (swt). Both enjoy rights and duties towards each other and both have obligations to Allah (swt).

This is very clearly stated in the Qur’anic verse which proclaims equality in the very creation of man and woman, pointing out their creation from a single soul: 

O mankind, be conscious of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul, created of like nature, her mate, and from the two created and spread many men and women, and be mindful 

of your duty to God by Whose name you appeal to one another and to the ties of) womb. Verily God watches over you. 

Even if the sexual satisfaction is performed by man and woman while being mindful of its etiquette as ordained in the Qur’an and Sunnah, it is reckoned as ibadah and sadaqah (charity). The Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: 

Did Allah not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily, every time you say Subhana Allah, there is a sadaqua and for every time you say Allahu Akbar there is a sadaqa;

Every time you say Laa ilaha ill Allah, there is a sadaqa and for every time you say Alhamdulillah, there is a sadaqa; Every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa and in every act of forbidding evil there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations also there is a sadaqa. 

Thereupon the companions asked: O Messenger of Allah! Is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire? 

The Prophet replied: Don’t you see, had he satisfied it with the forbidden would there not have been a sin upon him? The companions said: “yes”, 

The Prophet (pbuh) said: In the same way, when he satisfies it with the lawful, there is for him in that a reward. 

Thus, sexuality is never perceived by Islam as a mere carnal desire of man to be fulfilled in any animalistic way as he pleases.

 But man in Islam is ordained to follow certain etiquette in his sexual relationship so that he should remember Allah (swt) even before this act and do not fall a prey to the Satanic trap.

This can be easily gleaned through a careful reading of few Prophetic traditions, either practiced or spoken by him on these matters. 

It is exhorted that the husband should place his hand on the forelock of her wife at the time of consummating the marriage and pray for Allah’s blessings.

The Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: 

When any of you marries a woman he should hold her forelock, mention Allah most high, and pray for His blessings saying: O Allah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her. 

Furthermore, according to some other traditions, it is desirable if the husband presents to his wife something to drink to show kindness to her and to offer prayer together to remain closely ever after for the good and seek refuge in Allah (s.w.t) from the evil.

It is also evidenced from several traditions that it is commendable to make ‘wudhu’ (ablution) after sex before sleep but obligatory to take bath after sex before or after sleep whenever possible. 

It is quite obvious from the above discussion that sexuality in Islam is neither perceived as an objective of life to be totally immersed in it with no other moral and spiritual considerations nor a beastly act to be fulfilled through any way and mean for its own sake.

Islam disciplines sexual desire of man and also expects from him that he should remember Allah (swt) even while joining his wife for sex and even pray to Allah (swt) to protect his child from evil, if he is granted a child after the sex. It is clear from the following prayer and the Prophetic tradition: 

In the name of Allah, O Allah! Keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (offspring). The Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: 

After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child. 

It also implies that Islam not only enjoins man to remember Allah (swt) before his sexual relationship but also makes him conscious of his responsibility towards his prospective child to protect him from the cunning Satan. 

Family: Parents Obligations Towards Children 

Sexuality, reproduction and children’s responsibility are interconnected in Islam through an institution, family.

Family is considered as the first school of children where they are not only nurtured but also taught basic morals and etiquette so that the children can appreciate Islamic ethos and values.

A stable family will give rise to a stable society and a stable civilization. All this requires that both parents and children should be mindful of their obligations towards each other along with their rights so that they may love and respect each other.

Islam enjoins its adherents to love children and to be mindful of their responsibilities towards them from the very beginning of their inception and even earlier to it. The Qur’an says: 

… And be mindful of your duty to God in whose name you appeal to one another and to the ties of the womb. 

Thus, Islam emphasizes that parents should realize that the proper development of the child begins from the mother’s womb itself. Hence the parents should be concerned about their prospective child from the very beginning. 

It has been scientifically proved that a pregnant woman should abstain from alcoholic drinks and narcotics and avoid tensions.

If she fails to consider all these precautionary measures, any complication in her own health and that of the child in the womb can hardly be prevented.

It is also pointed out that the relationship between the prospective mother and the prospective father should not be conflict-ridden because it adversely affects the mental and