| The Secret Of A Successful Family Life |
| Maulana Wahiduddin Khan |
| 72 |
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| PDF Direct Download Link |
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The Secret of a Successful Family life
THE SECRET OF A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY LIFE
Book Contents
- Life Management 5
- The Art of Failure Management 6
- The Policy of Non-Interference 7
- The Formula of 30 Seconds 9
- Simplicity—A Principle of Life 10
- Exemplary Family 12
- Qawwamiat or ‘Bossism’ 13
- Woman: A Supporter 15
- A Source of Comfort 17
- Emotionalism Vs Egoism 19
- The Home: A Factory for
- Producing Good Individuals 21
- The Harm of Pampering 23
- The Faulty Role of Parents 25
- Man’s Real Purpose in Life 26
- The Important Role of a Woman 28
- Gender Equality 29
- Equality in Marriage 31
- Monogamy or Polygamy 32
- The Failure of a Love Marriage 33
- The Role of Parents 35
- Education and Women 36
- Purposeful Man 38
- An Unnatural Desire 40
- The Secret of Success 42
- The Difference Between a Parent’s
- Home and an In-Law’s Home 43
- The Joint Family 45
- The Problem Between a Mother-In-
- Law and a Daughter-In-Law 47
- An Observation 48
- Breaking Away From the
- Conditioning Mould 50
- The Greatest Blessing 52
- A Tradition 53
- Compatibility 55
- Intellectual Partner 56
- Mutual Trust 58
- Beauty or Inner Beauty 60
- Making Mountains Out of
- Mole Hills 61
- An Incident 62
- Controlling Anger 64
- Waiting Policy 65
- Stubborness—or Determination 67
- A Wise Lady 68
- Good in Every Situation 70
From the Book
Life Management
IN ORDER TO lead a successful life, it is important for man to learn the art of Life Management. The art of life management means, on the one hand man understanding himself, (i.e. he should know who he is, what his capabilities are) and, on the other hand, his becoming aware of the world around him.
Then he may plan his life in a realistic manner, and make improvements whenever and wherever required.
The only criterion by which to judge whether one had planned one’s life well or not is to see the result.
A plan which yields a negative result is not right, and a plan which yields a positive result is right. Examining an action by an ideal standard is not a wise thing. Wisdom lies in examining things in the light of the result.
The relationship between a husband and wife is a delicate matter, because they are not related by blood.
Therefore, the only way to make this relationship successful is to use reason, rather than allow emotions to take precedence. In a blood relationship, there is an emotional bonding. But even then, one has to make a conscious effort.
The force of nature, existing in blood relationships, does not exist between a husband and wife, which is why it is difficult to manage this relationship successfully without rational management.
In short, a blood relationship establishes itself by the force of nature, while a non-blood relationship is established through conscious effort and rational management.
The Art of Failure Management
AN INDUSTRIALIST ONCE came to me with his daughter. He said that his daughter was getting married soon and asked me to pray for her successful married life.
I told him that every marriage is doomed to failure, except for the ones in which the husband and wife learn the Art of Failure Management!
The Art of Failure Management lies in not looking at marriage as something ideal, but as a practical matter and then accepting one’s partner the way he or she is.
People generally tend to measure their partners by an ideal yardstick, and when they do not measure up to their expectations, they tend to think that they have not found their ideal soul mate.
This happens both in the case of a husband and a wife, and so both partners fail to experience the joys of their union.
The truth is that every woman and every man are almost the same. Physical appearances might be different, but inside, there is no great difference.
If couples realize this, then they would rejoice in each other, and accept each other as the best life partners.
The Policy of Non-Interference
I ONCE ASKED an educated person about his family life. He replied that his family life was good and healthy.
When I asked him what his formula for success was, he replied, “Non-interference”. This meant that neither he, nor his wife interfered in each other’s affairs.
I agreed that this was the best principle for maintaining harmony in the home. God has endowed man and woman with different temperaments. Every man and woman is different.
Therefore, in a marriage, the relationship stems from two different natures.
And since God Himself created this difference, we have no power to change it. Instead of making futile attempts to change this difference, we should learn to adjust to it.
This principle can be put into these words: The Art of Difference Management.
This difference is not an evil. There is great benefit hidden in it. Differences do not mean mere differences: they should be seen as representing two different capabilities.
If both men and women had uniform capabilities, they would be able to achieve very little. For, the absence of uniformity is the secret to intellectual development. It has rightly been said, “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.”
Therefore, the policy of non-interference is the best policy for a normal and happy life, both at home and in the outside world.
The Formula of 30 Seconds
AS A MAN is egoistic by nature, and a woman emotional, they can often be at loggerheads with each other due to their differences. This difference cannot be obliterated.
The only solution to this problem is that, when a man’s ego flares up, the woman should keep her calm; and when the woman becomes emotional and loses her temper, the man must keep likewise calm.
They should not give in to reactions of any kind. This is the only solution to this situation.
A negative feeling such as anger flares up on its own. But, in its initial stage, it remains within a certain limit.
And it crosses this limit only when anger is allowed to intensify. The law of nature regarding negative feelings is that it gets activated for only about 30 seconds, and if it is checked, it gets defused like a balloon.
Therefore, if a person checks his anger, and does not allow it to flare up, the negative feeling will ebb away naturally, without there being any negative outcome.
It is necessary for both a husband and a wife to understand this Law of Nature, which I call the ‘Formula of 30 seconds’.
Knowing this is the greatest secret of married life and those who have applied it in their lives will never have a major crisis in their marital relations.
The Creator has placed necessary safeguards within nature itself. The only thing we should do is to learn of these things provided by nature, and apply them in our lives.
The way of nature is silent communication.
Those who can understand this language of silence will be able to listen to the voice of nature, and benefiting from it, will lead successful lives.
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