The Way to a Happy Married Life
THE WAY TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE
- The Power of Allah Ta’ala
- Family Planning Not Necessary – Allah Ta’ala Provides
- The Rights of In-Laws
- Remedy for Anger
- Parents Rights
- The Right of Teacher
- A Verse Pertaining To the Khutbah of Nikah
- Good Character
- Nikah is Sunnat
- The Rights of Husbands
- Leniency towards Wives
- The Dangers of Being Lured by Women
- Mutual Relations
- Customary Weddings
- A Right of the Wife
- Do Not Keep Your Wife Tense (Under Pressure)
- Kindness to Wives
- Be Content with Your Partner
- The Beauty of a Muslim Wife in Jannat
- How the Righteous Treat Their Wives
Allah Ta’ala states,
ي+أ!ي;ه!ا ال’ذ5ين! ا+م!ن وا ات’ قوا ال!ح!ق’ ت ق+ت5ه5
O believers! Fear Allah as He has to be feared.
From this, one learns that to fear Allah a little is not sufficient, so fear Allah by attaining perfect piety. The question arises what is perfect piety. For this, we have to refer to the commentaries of the great commentators and not just understand it through our intellect. Hazrat Hakeem ul Ummat has mentioned the commentary of this verse in Beyaanul Qur’aan as
“O believers! Just as you have repented from kufr and shirk, so must you stay away from all sins”.
One who has stayed away from Kufr and Shirk but does not save himself from sins has not feared Allah Ta’ala fully. One has not fulfilled the right of fearing Allah Ta’ala as He deserves to be feared.
Fearing Allah as He deserves to be feared in this context means “Just as you take precautions and stay far from Kufr and Shirk so too must you take precautions against the commission of sins. Protect yourselves from sins. Abstain from all sins and die only on Islam.”
“And let death not find you but in the state of Islam.” This is the translation and commentary of the very first verse recited.
6. The Power of Allah Ta’ala
In the second verse, Allah Ta’ala states
“O mankind, O people of the world’’
This is an address directed to the entire human race wherein Allah Ta’ala is instructing them,
“Fear your Sustainer”
“Who created you from one life”.
7. Family Planning Not Necessary – Allah Ta’ala Provides
In the commentary of this verse, Hakeem ul Ummat Hazrat Thanwi (rahmatullah alaihe) explains that Allah Ta’ala has enumerated three forms of creating His servants,
He has created all of you from one life source from your ultimate forefather, Hazrat Adam (alaihis salaam). Hazrat Adam (alaihis salaam) in turn has been created from dust, from soil without the agency, without the intermediary of parents, without the outwards means and causes.
Hereby has Allah Ta’ala demonstrated: He is not in need of, He is not depended on means and causes. If He so chooses, He creates life from lifeless earth.
Therefore, O people of the world! Fear such a Lord, such a Sustainer, and such an All-powerful Master. This then is the first form of creating, from inanimate to animate, from lifeless to life.
Further, it is stated
“And from this life form He created a partner.”
From Adam (alaihis salaam) Allah Ta’ala created a partner, a wife and companion for Adam (alaihis salaam). This is the second form of creating.
If Allah Ta’ala so wills , He creates a living being from a living being without the meeting of spouses, for Hazrat Hawwa (alaihis salaam) was created from the rib of Hazrat Adam(alaihis salaam).
Allah Ta’ala further states,
And from this pair (that is Hazrat Adam and Hawwa) We created innumerable men and women.
This is the third form of creating and is the system, the method of procreation until the Day of Qiyaamah.
From this humble pair were transmitted the seeds of humanity until the entire planet has become populated with hordes of humans, all of whom are being sustained and provided for by Allah Ta’ala. Thus, family planning and sterilization are absolutely unnecessary.
That Allah Who is capable of infusing the soul within the body is without doubt more then, capable of providing the meager fair to sustain that body that bears the soul, for more valuable then sustenance is the soul.
If food is in great abundance and is readily at hand and doctors, physicians and specialists are also in attendance but the solitary soul soars though the skies, all the food in the world and all the experts in preserving life are at loss, they are totally incapable of returning the soul to the bare body.
Very unnecessarily and foolishly do the Kuffar remain preoccupied with the quest of food. Mufti Shafi Saheb (rahmatullah alaihe) has aptly written an amazing point of reference.
Every year without fail, millions of sheep, goats, buffalos, and cattle are slaughtered for Qurbani in spite of which these animals can easily be acquired. There is never really any shortage.
While dogs and pigs are not procured for slaughtering and which nonetheless are born in litters as opposed to Qurbani animals, which are born in pairs at the most, yet one always sees flocks of these animals compared to the former, which have no barakat. By slaughtering in the name of Allah, barakat is generated.
A Hindu once argued that Muslims are very hard-hearted because they mercilessly draw a blade across the throat of animals.
The reply to this argument was furnished by Hazrat Hakeem ul Ummat Thanwi (rahmatullah alaihe) who stated, “You resort to snapping the neck of animals which cause it even more suffering and pain. While we upon
reciting the blessed name of Allah Ta’ala provide a dose of chloroform which cause the animal to become intoxicated by the beloved name of Allah Ta’ala. It is in this state of ecstasy that it gives up its life.” Such is the ecstasy inherent in His beloved Name.
Allah, Allah! How beloved is the name. It is the intoxicating drops of lovers.
The condition of the Sahabah (Radhiallaho anhum) was such that upon being struck with an arrow in the heat of battle, they immediately exclaimed,
Upon the oath of the Lord of the Ka’abah, I have attained success
Upon the name of Allah, every difficulty is transformed into ease. This is why it is farz or compulsory to learn the love Allah Ta’ala. What can I say to adequately express the joy and pleasure to be derived upon learning the love of Allah Ta’ala?
The Rights of In-Laws
Allah Ta’ala further states,
“….And O people! Fear that Allah by whose Name you demand your mutual rights.”
It is the Name of Allah that you use as an intermediary, as a means, as a lever to accrue the rights due to you.
What does one say when a customer fails to pay for goods provided on credit? One tends to plead in Allah’s Name, saying, “Please, for Allah’s sake, in the Name of Allah, I ask you to fulfill the debt you owe to me. Fear Allah and give me my due.”
Allah Ta’ala at this juncture is telling us to fulfill the rights of family and relatives, by remembering the Name of Allah we present for demanding our own rights. Fear the non-fulfillment, the usurpation and destruction of their rights. Ensure that you do not fall short in observing the due rights of wife and children, of blood ties.
What is meant by, والرحم? Most people understand the connotation of ارحم to mean only one’s parents, brothers and sisters, paternal and maternal grandparents etc. excluding the wife’s immediate family.
This is why I am resorting to an explanation of this verse which has been given by Allama Aaloosi As-Sayyid Mahmood Baghdadi (rahmatullah alaihe) in his commentary, Roohul Ma’aani. I am also quoting the Arabic text so that the learned scholars can also appreciate and enjoy it. Meant by ارحم,
“By blood relatives, are those who are directly related to one as well as those who are related through the wife.”
Among them are the mother and father of the wife who are termed as mother-in-law and father-in-law as well as her brothers who are called brother-in-law. The term used in Persian, Khusr means king while the Urdu term is Susar.
The brother-in-law is called Nisbati Bhai or brother though the relationship of marriage. Commonly used is
the term saalah which our Buzurgaan-e-Deen prevent us from using for it is akin to a term of vulgarity. Consider now the amount of respect one is taught for one’s in-laws.
Thus, meant by blood relatives are one’s own as well as the wife’s immediate family. If perchance they happen to be in a crisis, they go hungry while one fills his stomach, one will surely be questioned about it on the day of Qiyaamah.
Given the means, one will, by serving one’s poor in-laws receive the same reward as serving one’s own parents. People are well aware of and readily fulfill parent’s rights and serve them with respect and honor.
Remember honoring the in-laws is just as meritorious as honoring one’s own parents.
Do not, over petty issues reign with an iron fist. If the mother-in-law happens to be ill, one’s wife is nursing her and tending to her needs and comfort, and she requests that one allow her to stay for a few days more, do not adopt a high-handed attitude and refuse. Do not become insulting and harsh by telling the mother-in-law, “After marriage your reign over your daughter has ended. Don’t you know what Allah states in the Qur’aan?” He says Men are in authority over women
Amazing how well you have memorized this verse as if you are Moulana of the age. “I am in authority.” Is this authority or mercilessness and unworthiness? Such a person’s character is mean and lowly.
If one’s own parents were ill, how would one deal with them? Therefore, deal exactly the same manner as one would deal with one’s own parents. Display mercy. If need arises, cook your own food or eat out.
Treat you mother-in-law in the same way as you would your own mother, have mercy! Cook your own food if your wife stays one more day with her mother to serve her, what harm will there be. What! Has the one who brought up her daughter for sixteen years, no more rights left after Nikah?
This is against the spirit of mercifulness and is real hard heartedness. Rather, immediately say, “Yes, very well, keep her for four more days instead of two days. When you are better, I will take her back.”
Also, come back to ask about your mother-in-law’s welfare and help in serving her. She has given you her daughter, a piece of her heart, and you have attained her for nothing. You do not have mercy on her as you ought to have.
Amazingly enough, if your son-in-law troubles your daughter you run immediately to a Peer Saheb for taweez, to subject him to your daughter and that he must listen to her and fulfill all her demands.
It is not even permissible to have such a taweez made. Surely, the amount that the Shariat permits should be fulfilled. So remember! O people who are seeking taweez, your wife is also someone’s daughter.
Remedy for Anger
If you are a hot-tempered person, get taweez for yourself. Recite seven times and blow onto the food so that when the other family members also eat this food, they too will remain safe from anger.
Recite the same and blow on the water used for cooking. Inshallah the whole household will have a merciful spirit. A person who has this realization that he needs a taweez for his anger is at least a human, because he realized it.
A few months ago, a person wrote a letter from Jeddah stating that there is always quarrel and fighting taking place between wife, my children and me. Everyone is suffering from anger. I wrote to him to recite seven times and blow onto the food. Together with this, everyone should recite whenever one remembers, but as much as one can tolerate. For those who suffer from intense